I have spent a good part of my life in a "shell" I don't like. As a child I was overweight. I had a brief period of glory during my teen years and a while after high school but looking back now, I never fully appreciated it. I have always had a bad body image in my mind. Which is weird because I really do like myself overall. But I guess you really can't like yourself if there is a big part of you that you don't like. Well, this is all changing! I look at who I want to be in the future and being fat is not a part of it. I do not want to look back at 50 years old and wish I had done something earlier just as I am looking back from 33 years old and wishing I had taken this on earlier. I do not want to waste another day of my life wishing to be someone else's body.
I decided to take on this blog as a way of talking to myself to work through all of the mental issues I have surrounding being over weight. This blog is for me. But if it helps someone else along the way then I will be glad. So I plan to be brutally honest with myself. Part of me wants to hide this blog and just keep it to myself, but another part of me wants to display it for myself. It is like when you eat something and you think you don't want anyone to know you just ate all that cake. Well, they know, it shows up on my butt! I think it will help me to allow others to read this. I am done hiding!
My focus now is on becoming healthy. Of course I want to lose weight, but I believe that will follow if I focus on health! Right now I weight 169. (I have lost 1 pound in the last week so I can now say that!) My goal is to be 130 by my birthday in October.
I was just talking to my sister Karen about all of this. She is going to be my partner in all of this. Anyway, we were talking about how overwhelming this task may seem if you think of the big picture. I am going to concentrate on the now. I am going to forget who I was and what I did in the past and concentrate on what I can be in the future. Sometimes I think, there is no way I can eat healthy forever so I don't want to start now. Instead I am going to concentrate on eating healthy today! Just today! And worry about tomorrow when it comes. I think if I do this I will get in the habit of making good choices and it won't be so difficult as time goes by.
So for today, the rest of today (it is now 4pm) I am going to eat healthy. I plan on having and apple, carrots, celery, a slice of whole wheat toast with turkey bacon and some lowfat yogurt. I am going to stay away from desserts for a few days to try to get off this sugar binge I have been on. I will also lift my weights for 1/2 hour tonight before bed. I will tell you that I was successful tomorrow morning!
I hope by reading this journey of mine you will be inspired to get out there and make the change in your life that you have staring you in the face too!
2 comments:
Jen, I just saw this new blog on your other other blog. I am so proud of you. I think you are doing great! You and Nik have been so diligent in your efforts. I wish I lived closer so that I could go to the classes with you. Keep it up! Like the saying says, "If you dream it, you can achieve it". The hard part is that it is HARD. I totally want a piece of mom's banana cake. :)
I think what you are doing is awesome. You are right it is so hard sometimes to change a lifetime of habits especially when it comes to food. I often have to step back and remind myself the goal is just to be healthy. Good Luck!! You are awesome!!
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