Play Perfect 10!

Play at a Level 10! 
What level did you play at during the first half of this year?
What level did you play at in September?
What level have you been playing at today?
What level are you going to play at the rest of October?
What level are you going to play at the rest of this year?
What does it mean to play at a level 10?
Why should I play at a level 10?
What level do most people play at?
What is it costing you to not play at a 10?
What would be different in your life if you played at a 10?
When you think there is nothing left there is always more.

If you are struggling - remember life goes in waves or cycles
Avoid a poor inner game. 
Focus on activity not results.

Sometimes you get paid today and sometimes you don't - but you always get paid !
Play at a level 10 when no one is watching. It will have a Ripple Effect on your life!

Everything Counts
I believe in you.  You are a winner!

I am only 4 pounds away from my birthday goal. Not too many days left but still enough to get it done!

My relationship with the scale!

Me and my scale have a great relationship. I visit it several times a day. I wouldn't say it's an obsession I would call it curiosity. I love to see how it fluctuates throughout the day. Of course the best time to get on it is first thing in the morning, but I can judge now what it will be then by what it says the night before.

I love to eat, then step on. Go to the bathroom then step on. Drink water then step on. Exercise then step on.

I know they say you shouldn't weigh more than once a week, but come on. Let's get real. I am pretty sure most of us get on pretty regular, especially when you are working so hard to see it go down. Or do you?? Now I am thinking this is sounding a bit obsessive. HOWEVER, if it keeps the scale moving in the right directions, I say go with it!

New Diet Plan!

Neeley introduced a great new diet plan to me today. She was eating a slice of deli ham and I mentioned that she could roll it up to eat it. She informed me that then there wouldn't be as much ham so she didn't want to do that because she would want more. So from now on, I am going to compact my food so I can eat more!

I am back on track now. It's only Wednesday and I have already lost a pound. Good thing to keep me motivated! I think it helped that I came up with a plan. I sat down and made a whole list of all of the healthy snacks and meals that I like to eat. Then I went shopping and bought many of them. Now all I have to do is think ahead a bit to keep me on track. I found that the reason I wasn't eating healthy is because I didn't have things ready to eat. It's funny how simple things like this are but we make them so hard in our minds.

I have been trying to plan out exactly what I am going to eat each day in the morning. That way when the time comes, I don't have to make that choice when I am hungry. It's already made!

New Diet Plan!

Null Boch!

There is a saying in German.  It goes Null Boch, which means I have no desire to do that.  Well that is about where I am now.  I really did lose weight the 2 weeks ago when I had the goal to lose three pounds.  I lost two pounds.  And since then, well, null boch!  I look at how far I have come.  I have lost 27 pounds since I started this adventure after Lilah was born.  So really I have come far, but lately I start out great and then my energy fizzles about 1 pm.  After that I just get this whatever, I'll do it tomorrow attitude.  I think I have this idea that I have to be perfect or it just isn't worth it.  The times I am perfect I lose weight the times I am not I go completely the other way.  My "just this once" attitude kicks in overdrive and just this once turns into all the time.  So somewhere between the two there has to be some sort of middle ground where I can thrive.  Maybe if I pre-decide certain times to have a freebee then I wont get into the just this once groove and won't be so hard on myself for being perfect.  

This is one of those things you want and you want it now, and when that doesn't happen you think, forget it!  Is it really worth it?  I have 23 pounds left till goal so I am over halfway there!

So here's to a new set of goals.  Lose 8 pounds between now and my birthday and then another 10 pounds from my birthday and Christmas.  That leaves only 5 pounds after that.  

So as one of my favorite sayings goes:
The trick is in what one emphasizes. We either make ourselves miserable, or we make ourselves happy. The amount of work is the same.
~Carlos Castaneda

I need a good week.

I need a good week.  Last week was ok but not what I want it to be.  So for this week I am recommitting to stay on track, exercise daily and keep it positive.

My goal is to lose 3 pounds this week.  Two for this week and 1 to make up for last!  I gotta see that scale move again! 

Walking up 10 flights of stairs to our hotel room = 50 calories burned

Walking to the convention center = 100 calories burned

Carrying the baby across town = 110 calories burned

Lifting weights in the hotel gym = 375 calories burned

Carrying the stroller up countless stairs = 75 calories burned

Losing weight on vacation = PRICELESS!

shrinking.

I have a confession to make.  I never dry my cloths!  I just don't want them to get any smaller so I have always hung them up.  Yeah, sure I have tried to convince myself from time to time that the reason I do this is to make them last longer but come on, how silly!  Anyway, I have started throwing my cloths in hot water and then the dryer one by one so they will SHRINK!  Yes, isn't it awesome!  I started this voyage wearing a size 18.  Now I just pulled that pair of skinnier pants off the shelf. You know the ones you bought months ago, brought them home only to find out that they are too small, so you keep them for that day that you can fit in them!  Well they now fit!  I am now wearing a size 12.  Not all 12's will fit me yet but I will take those pairs here and there that do to boost my ego!  I just can't wait for the single digits!

Oh, and I don't really like to brag on myself (or do I???) but I won the biggest loser contest.  Now my only dilemma is:  do I spend the $200 now on cloths or wait for those single digits and just keep hoping that the more I wash those cloths in hot the more they will shrink??

My Why's!

Last night I was exercising in my room using weights and my exercise ball.  Before I could blink, Neeley and Kayla were doing it right along with me!  Neeley ran to get one of her balls to do the ball exercises with me and Kayla ran and grabbed the heaviest thing she could find for weights (Lilah's little crock shoes).  Seeing them be so eager to join in just solidified my "Why!"  

I want them to learn good habits while they are young.  I want them to be conscious of their own health and have it be something that is just automatic for them!  I want to be around for many years to come so I can see them grow old.  I want to have the energy to do anything I want with them!  I want to be free from this weight.  

When I started on this journey, I decided I not only wanted to do it for me but as an inspiration for others.  If I can do it, so can anyone else.  I am just so glad to see it is my own daughters I am inspiring!

Healthier alternatives!

First of all notice I said healthier! 

 My neighbor was kind enough to give us some zucchini from their garden.  I love zucchini bread so I decided to make some with a few modifications.  I exchanged out the oil and put in apple sauce and then used wheat flour instead of white.  So, I know it still has lots of sugar from the sugar and the apple sauce, however, it is at least a little healthier from the original version.  I wasn't sure if the family would eat it but it is a big hit!  Even Jer (after a bit of teasing) liked it too!  I figured I could eat a 1/2 a slice and still stay within my calorie allotment for the day.  Yummy!

I am beginning to be pleasantly surprised by all of the yummy stuff I CAN eat.  Instead of focusing on what is taboo I have been trying to find all kinds of great things that I can eat.  It is a fun little challenge and I get excited when I find something that is better than the fatty alternative.  My favorite?  Turkey bacon.   SOOOO much easier to cook and Jeremy even likes it better than the original.  Now you know it has to be good if it passed the hubby test!  Only 35 calories a slice with very little fat!

My new obsession!

Thanks to my sister in law Richelle I found my latest obsession.  It is a website called fitday.com.  You can type in everything you eat and it calculates calories and nutritional values for you.  You can also add your exercise and other activities.  It then calculates everything for you so you can see how you are doing.  You can put in daily nutritional goals as well as activity goals.  There is a free section (the part I am using) and a pay section.  Not sure what that offers but the free part is pretty cool.  So if you are doing a food journal or counting calories this is any easy way to do it!

I have been counting calories the past couple of weeks and when I didn't know I would guess and try to guess over as not to cheat.  Well, I found I was consuming less calories than I thought!  How nice is that!  Now I can eat more, all healthy stuff of course!

That brings me to how I am doing.  GREAT!  That sums it up.  I got me a barbell set of weights so I can now get going on some muscle building so I can burn more calories!  I have to get working because last week I was number three in percentage of weight loss for the contest.  Not sure of the results for this week so we will see.

Enemy #1!

I have come to discover that family gatherings are enemy #1 when it comes to weight loss.  It is a good thing Jennie and Ryan are in the zone when it comes to this because they made tonight a safe gathering at their house.  But I can't say as much for the lot (the cabin for you outsiders).  I want to start this out by saying I love the lot, I love family gatherings and I really love Mom Dopp.  But, I am finding it really hard to stick with things when eating in any combination of the above three things.  Jer was out of town this week so I went to the lot to spend time with some of the family.  The first two days I did really well.  Then time around the camp fire hit.  And it was time to roast marshmellows.  I had already resisted a number of things and tried to eat the best of the worst at all of the meals.  I know that I can't be perfect all of the time.  I was just so much in the zone before going up there.  I had gone another week with no desserts and eating pretty much a perfect diet.  So I really shouldn't be beating myself up here.  I pretty much took a day off from the diet and realized that it really isn't all that fun any more.  Fun is feeling good at the end of a day when you know you have done everything humanly possible to be healthy.  Fun is feeling great with no guilt.  Fun is being a good example to the girls.  I guess I should be glad to have this learning experience and realize that I am changing.  It is just hard to go and see all white bread, butter in all the vegetables and everything else for that matter and treats like you wouldn't believe.  

I think I am starting to know how a minority might feel.  When you are different from the norm.  It is funny that we live in a society that the norm is so unhealthy.  If you go into a restaurant and order your food to be prepared differently just to make it healthy you are almost frowned upon.  You make something a little different trying to make it a little better for you and people think you are imposing on their taste buds.  I am happy to see more healthy things being offered like whole wheat crust for pizza but saddened to see other things disguised as healthy when it is really bad.  My pet peeve number one are labels that say trans fat free when you read the label and find hydrogenated oils in it anyway. Legally they can say that if it has less than .5 grams of it.  How is this legal.  Shouldn't we be allowed to know the real truth and make a decision for ourselves.  What kind of government does this???

Ok so I know I am ranting here but really, it is true.  So as for now, I  will continue my quest to eat healthy. I can't stay away from Mom's cooking all together because it is some of the best around.  I'll just have to eat less of it and pick and choose what parts to eat.  Really, don't get me wrong this isn't against Mom.  She is the BEST cook and one of the most giving generous people I know.  She really loves us all and wants to please us.  This is about my own vices.  This is about me making healthy choices when I am around all of those yummy things.

Inspiration

I thought we could use some good inspiration for the day!

"It is far better to dare mighty things, even though checkered by failure, than to take rank with those poor spirits who neither enjoy much nor suffer much.
For they live in that gray twilight that knows neither victory nor defeat."
---Theodore Roosevelt

Good food!

Almost a week into my contest and I am feeling awesome!  This week was an incredible week with total control.  I had absolutely no desserts and all healthy foods all week long except for a treat yesterday on the 4th of July.  I have turned down chocolate cake, gelato, ice cream, cookies and the list goes on and on!  The more I do it the more I feel in control.  It has become almost a game to me how much I can stay away from!  Right now I have a chocolate cake with chocolate frosting sitting on my counter and I have not even tried it!  Now if you know me, you know this would be one of my all time favorite desserts!  Can you say CONTROL!

I realized that the times I want this stuff the most is when I am hungry.  Instead of saying "I'm hungry" my body has this inner voice that screams, "FEED ME THE SUGAR!"  I have started to recognize this as a cry out for food and not just a cry out for the junk.  So before I can think about going for the junk I have quickly been getting something healthy to eat.  This is a harder task for me than you might think.  I used to snack on some junk as I made our meals.  Now I just have to get the lunch together in a hurry.  This has caused me to come up with some on the spot meals that I can always go to.  My favorite for the week is some fat free refried beans topped with salsa.  I warm it up and dip carrots and celery in it.  I have decided it tastes better than chips in it and it is so easy to whip up.  And I get the protein I need!  

I now need to sit down and come up with a lot of other go to meals so that I have plenty to choose from when I get the urge to go for the junk!  Hopefully over time my body will learn to send hunger signals and not junk signals!

Day #1

Doing great!!! Awesome day with a great workout and healthy eating. If every day could be this good I would be thin and healthy in no time!

Am I a Mental Case?

I ran across this article while I was looking at some weight loss stuff on line. I have long thought that the battle with weight is more mental than physical. This article goes over this fact. I love the part where it talks about being grey rather than black and white. There are so many days when I say, well I already messed up so I might as well call it good for today and start fresh tomorrow or Monday. Being grey can help me with this!

Psychologist Alexa Altman shares her ideas to keep you emotionally fit! Learn how your mind and emotions play an important role in weight gain or loss.
Long-term weight loss success

The one question that people often ask me is, "What are the psychological factors that lead to long-term weight loss success?" Clearly, there is not one answer, nor is it the same for every person. However, my clinical experience and observations made from my work with contestants last season have led me to believe that there are many psychological similarities amongst the successful losers. As you read about these psychological factors I encourage you to examine your strengths and weaknesses. When you notice an area of particular strength, take a moment to assess how this has helped you in attaining a healthier mind and body. It is helpful to acknowledge what you are doing well and what is working. When you notice an area of particular weakness, notice how this may be limiting your success or contributing to unhealthy behaviors. How can you begin to build or strengthen one of these areas?

The top 5 psychological factors that contributed to long-term weight loss success.

1. Stay connected to personal goals
What is your intention? To stay on course you must first know what the course is and what the finish line looks like. If you were running a race, wouldn't you want to know how far you had to run, the course map, how to train and what equipment is required? It is important that your goals be realistic, clear and measurable.
Successful "Biggest Losers" write or look at goals daily.

2. Create and expand support.
If our social environment resembles a dry, hot, barren, desert, we will have a difficult time growing and developing. We need a rich and fertile environment to grow. We are social beings that require social connection and support to maintain our health and vitality.
Successful "Biggest Losers" developed and nurtured their social network.

3. Gray thinking
Most of us think in black and white. I am "good" or I am "bad". We divide our world into nice and neat categories. (This behavior reduces an overwhelming amount of information and processes it into more manageable pieces). This is a set up for disaster, in that one small mistake becomes a failure.
Successful "Biggest Losers" don't interpret a small slip up as a failure; they get back on the horse right away.

4. Utilize resources
If I told you that you were about to go on the longest journey of a lifetime, you would want to pack your bag and make sure you had enough clothes, water, food, etc. Resources are anything that contributes to your success and wellbeing. There are no extra points awarded by doing this alone. It is necessary to establish what resources will be needed for success. Do you need a nutritionist, fitness instructor, support group, food journal, online support, recipes, or psychotherapist?
Successful "Biggest Losers" utilized and developed new resources.

5. Identify problems early
What is getting in the way? Is it emotional eating, depression, anxiety, recent losses, work stress. Do you want to address the big roadblock right in the middle of your path, or continue to walk over and around it? What do you gain by continuing to avoid what might be sabotaging your success? This is an opportunity to make real life changes.
Successful "Losers" identify emotional roadblocks and ask for further support, referrals to mental health professionals, or referrals for medication.

This list is meant for you to begin acknowledging what has contributed to your success and celebrate the gains you have made. If you notice there is an area that you believe needs further attention, don't beat yourself up about it. This is an opportunity for you to expand and enrich your life.

Wagon, what wagon?

Ok, so you are probably thinking that I fell off the wagon. Well, I guess in a sense I have. I have still been pretty conscience about what has been going in my mouth but I haven't been very vigilant. It is amazing how fast it all happens. Two weeks ago Neeley and Kayla had an acting camp every day that week that was right during my aerobics class. Then last week I had a family party and a funeral during my aerobics classes and this week Neeley had recital during one day and we were at the cabin the rest. Ok, so I know these are merely excuses. I realize that. I guess I need to come up with some back up plan for those days when I really can't make it to my class. Summer just seems so crazy. But you know, I always manage to make time for other important things, so I need to take time for myself to exercise. I am noticing some changes though. I have been eating less and more aware of what I am eating. In the past it was whatever, now I am actually thinking about things. I know this journey will be long but if I just keep plugging away at it, I can make it.

Well I now have a new incentive to kick start me back into action! I just joined a biggest loser club with a group of ladies. We are having a six week competition for who can lose the greatest percentage of body weight. Each person is putting in $20 and the winner takes all. If you are interested in joining let me know. Everyone is welcome and the more the better, it just makes my grand prize that much bigger! My goal is to lose 12 pounds. That's two pounds a week and 14% weight loss! We start June 30th and end August 11th. Times a ticking!

Good luck ladies!

It's not as difficult as I make it out to be!

Resisting sweets has always been my down fall.  I look at the cake on my counter and think, well I just can't let that go to waste.  As if it is not being wasted in my body.  Go figure my logic.  Anyway, lately I have been trying to stay away from desserts to get my body off of this sugar high.  I have had a slip up or two but I am starting to realize that it really isn't a big deal to just skip  it.  I think in my head how horrible or sad it would be not to have this or that, but then when I actually stay away from it, I realize it really isn't that big of a deal.  I just didn't have it.  I walked away and I lived right through it.  The times I have done this I have felt so liberated.  It is like this guilt is just melting away and I feel empowered like I can conquer this weight thing!  When I give in it seems like I can't get enough of it.  It is like crack or something.  Then I feel yucky, both from eating it and thinking about the fact that I ate it.  I am slowly becoming more aware of how my eating habits effect that way I think and feel.  I like the healthy me much better!

Getting Over the Guilt

I had a picture perfect day yesterday.  I exercised.  I ate perfect.  I even managed to dodge Mom's chocolate chews and to die for chocolate cake.  I even had a diet Coke when everyone else had ice-cream after Neeley's preschool graduation.

So why did I find myself with this load of guilt on my mind last night in bed.  I think I have become so accustomed to having the guilt that even when it is not warranted, I still create it in my mind.  You hear people talk about getting a payoff from things, that's why they do it.  Well, I have been thinking a lot about my payoffs lately trying to decipher exactly what they are.  I am starting to see that one of them is this feeling of guilt.  I know this sounds crazy to be a payoff, but it is like a kid seeking attention even if it is bad attention.

This losing weight thing is oh so mental.  Now I have to find a way to turn guilt into pride.

The today me and the tomorrow me!

The today me is determined.  I will do this.  I will gain that health I have been searching for.  

I have the will power and the drive to take care of this now.  I will eat healthy and exercise today!  It is the tomorrow me that I fear.  The tomorrow me that can get weak and give in to cravings.  The tomorrow me that thinks just this once (again and again).  The tomorrow me that doesn't feel like exercising.

I have been reading up on a blog by a woman who has lost over 200 pounds.  She said something along these lines and I could really relate with her.  Today I am the today me!  I am working on coming up with new things to do when I want to reach for that unhealthy thing or when I don't feel like exercising.  If I can just keep this determination from day to day I can do this!

The blog I am referring to is:  pastaqueen.com

Doing pretty well!

Not much time, I just wanted to say that I am doing pretty well now.  I have been sick so that has helped a little.  I think I am just starting to realize that I can't have it all and so I'll take health over all!  Anyway, I am now finally back to my pre-Lilah prego weight but I still have more to go! It feels good to see progress!

Today started out with a really good work out.  A lady in my ward who used to teach aerobics professionally teaches a class three days a week at the stake center.  It is a really good workout and I can bring the kids and they can play while I work out.  

So I was excellent at breakfast, lunch was great but when dinner hit, oh man did I go wrong.  For some reason this has been my difficult time of day.  I can make it all day with healthy meals and snacks and then dinner hits and all hell breaks loose!  We went to Mom Dopp's for dinner tonight and she made my favorite, pot roast.   So now I need to really think of some ways to make it through dinner without ruining my day right at the last.  It is almost like I sabotage myself right at the last minute!  I am really frustrated with myself this week.  I know I can do this but I am just not following through.  I look at Ryan and Jennie and they are doing so well.  They are just do or die with this and that is what I want.  I want to make that commitment and follow through.  I just need to remember that this is the hardest time during this journey.  I have to make new habits.  I think all day long "I want this I can do this!"  and then they day goes on and I think "Do I really care?"  When I think of what I really want, it is to be healthy.  I don't want to be like my mom who has so many problems because she neglected to take care of herself for so many years.  I don't want my kids to be ashamed of me because I am overweight.  I want  to live a long life and be able to do active things with the girls.  I just need to make sure I remember that I want that more than I want banana cake at Mom Dopp's.

Time

Sometimes I think this is just going to be so easy.  Then other times I just want to give in and go back to old ways.  I have to keep reminding myself that I have 33 years worth of bad habits that I need to weed through and change.  Today we went to Lagoon.  I did pretty good but it isn't easy when you are surrounded by good food.  I really tried hard to snack on the veggies I brought and for the most part I did pretty good.  I am becoming more aware of what's going in my mouth so I think that is a good first step.  Last night I did excellent!  I got my exercise in and ate really healthy.  Today, not as good but better than I usually would have been.  I'll just have to keep on keepin' on!

The Raw Truth!

I have spent a good part of my life in a "shell" I don't like.  As a child I was overweight.  I had a brief period of glory during my teen years and a while after high school but looking back now, I never fully appreciated it.  I have always had a bad body image in my mind.  Which is weird because I really do like myself overall.  But I guess you really can't like yourself if there is a big part of you that you don't like.  Well, this is all changing!  I look at who I want to be in the future and being fat is not a part of it.  I do not want to look back at 50 years old and wish I had done something earlier just as I am looking back from 33 years old and wishing I had taken this on earlier.  I do not want to waste another day of my life wishing to be someone else's body. 

I decided to take on this blog as a way of talking to myself to work through all of the mental issues I have surrounding being over weight.  This blog is for me.  But if it helps someone else along the way then I will be glad.  So I plan to be brutally honest with myself.  Part of me wants to hide this blog and just keep it to myself, but another part of me wants to display it for myself.  It is like when you eat something and you think you don't want anyone to know you just ate all that cake.  Well, they know, it shows up on my butt!  I think it will help me to allow others to read this.  I am done hiding!

My focus now is on becoming healthy.  Of course I want to lose weight, but I believe that will follow if I focus on health!  Right now I weight 169.  (I have lost 1 pound in the last week so I can now say that!)  My goal is to be 130 by my birthday in October.

I was just talking to my sister Karen about all of this.  She is going to be my partner in all of this.  Anyway, we were talking about how overwhelming this task may seem if you think of the big picture.  I am going to concentrate on the now.  I am going to forget who I was and what I did in the past and concentrate on what I can be in the future.  Sometimes I think, there is no way I can eat healthy forever so I don't want to start now.  Instead I am going to concentrate on eating healthy today!  Just today!  And worry about tomorrow when it comes.  I think if I do this I will get in the habit of making good choices and it won't be so difficult as time goes by.

So for today, the rest of today (it is now 4pm) I am going to eat healthy.  I plan on having and apple, carrots, celery, a slice of whole wheat toast with turkey bacon and some lowfat yogurt.  I am going to stay away from desserts for a few days to try to get off this sugar binge I have been on.  I will also lift my weights for 1/2 hour tonight before bed.  I will tell you that I was successful tomorrow morning!

I hope by reading this journey of mine you will be inspired to get out there and make the change in your life that you have staring you in the face too!